Outside

March 3, 20XX

My therapist wants me to challenge myself; she wants me to step onto my front porch. I don’t have to go any further; I don’t have to stay outside long. I just have to step fully outside the door. I know she wants to help, but I don’t even see the point. I get my groceries delivered. I have Groucho, my cat, for company. And I have friends online. Why bother going outside? But she was insistent, so I’ll try.

March 5, 20XX

No luck again today. Maybe I should try at night. The sun is so bright. Just one more reason to stay inside.

They forgot a few things in my grocery order again. I’ll have to order extra next time. Definitely not telling my therapist about this.

March 7, 20XX

Finally made it outside. Just for a moment, but I did it. Not a fan.

March 15, 20XX

I’ve gone outside for a few moments a couple of times over the last week. Still don’t like it.

The internet is down. It is frustrating because I can’t talk to any of my online friends. I can’t even use my streaming services. I called the company but had to leave a message. Who knows when they’ll get back to me. Glad I kept my DVDs.

March 17, 20XX

Okay, something is definitely is going on. My internet is still down, but my phone is also dead. Yesterday, I figured it was just me since I still have electricity, but then I remembered that our plant is hydro-powered. I think those can run for a while, so having electricity doesn’t really prove anything. There hasn’t been any mail, either. Honestly, except for the internet, my life hasn’t really changed much. I just wish I knew what was happening.

March 20, 20XX

I took the boards down from one of the upstairs windows so Groucho and I could watch the front yard and street. I had boarded up the windows months ago to keep the outside out, but that feels a little redundant now.

I feel a little silly even thinking it, but it might be a zombie apocalypse. I mean, I don’t see hordes of undead everywhere, just the occasional lumbering “person” looking worse for wear. Except for some animals, there aren’t any cars or other signs of life. I guess everyone is dead or has left the neighborhood. Or maybe they’re staying inside too.

Even if I wanted to leave my house, which I don’t, it would be a bad idea. I’m not cut out for a survival adventure, and so far, nothing has bothered us here. No sense in leaving. Groucho sticks pretty close to me these days, like he knows something is wrong. I’m glad he’s here.

March 23, 20XX

The apocalypse is a lot more boring than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, having all this time to read and watch movies is great, but not not having anyone to talk to is starting to get lonely. And yes, I appreciate the irony of it all. Not being able to go outside has done more to make me want to go out than months of therapy ever did. It’s not like I have anywhere to go. I guess I shouldn’t complain.

March 29, 20XX

I spoke too soon. I do have somewhere to go: to get food. We’re getting low. I guess this is why people don’t stay home in zombie movies. Still, I can’t take Groucho out scrounging, and I don’t want to leave him. Maybe someone will come by soon, although we still haven’t seen any other non-zombies. There have to be people somewhere, right?

March 31, 20XX

There’s no avoiding it, I have to go find food. The absurdity of still having electricity but nothing to eat. There is a store not too far from here. I just have to go outside.

April 2, 20XX

I managed to get on the porch again, but I freeze when I stay to step off. I hate this. What few scraps we have left, I gave to Groucho, but he won’t stop crying. It’s breaking my heart. I have to go tomorrow, no matter what.

April 4, 20XX

I made it to the store and back. The “zombies” (I don’t know what else to call them, but they don’t act like zombies from the movies) seemed to ignore me for the most part. But I got too close to one, and it attacked me. It was surprisingly easy to fight off, but I got scratched. So far, there haven’t been any noticeable effects, except Groucho. He hissed at me and is in hiding.

The store shelves were mostly empty, but I managed to get a couple of bags of cat food. Groucho should be okay for a few months.

This is going to be my last entry. I don’t know what is going to happen to me, so I’m locking myself out of the house so that I can’t hurt Groucho. I’ve opened the food bags and left them in the kitchen. I also cracked open the upstairs windows so that he can get out if he wants. If someone finds this diary, Groucho is a white cat with black splotches, including a prominent one around his left eye. He is a good cat. Please take care of him.

I want to say goodbye to him, but he won’t come near me. If you do see him, tell him I love him and that I’m sorry I had to leave.

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